The Poison Path, and the Contracts of Your Incarnation
#018 A Chosen Life
In 1994 I heard an empowering conviction that would eventually anchor me to reality in a meaningful way. Reincarnation. And as empirical evidence for it grows, I find personal power in the perspective of a chosen life.
I was in the sixth grade that year, and Ms. W. spit out the word, reincarnation, and my neck might have snapped. I turned to face her. Raised my hand fast. Asked about my return to Earth as a mosquito or a frog or some other creature. My classmates asked other interesting questions too, but we all wondered about the emerald question together.
Is reincarnation really true or is it just a belief?
Ms. W’s answer was delivered without a lot of detail. It leaned towards belief and was followed by that classic classroom staple, "I don’t know”.
In late winter of this year I began seeing a doctor to make sure I was functioning properly. I was not entirely well. I’d failed to take iron pills and I’d come dangerously close to my own absence.
After a round of iron pills I was promptly better, except for one nagging ailment. My doctor, not only of medicine, but also homeopathy, was ready to put me on a protocol to remove metaphysical toxicity from my body. The medicine she planned to give me would increase my dreams. She told me to write them down if I wanted to.
I asked her what I’d be taking after she mentioned that I’d need to keep the medicine away from electronics. “It’s a tree nut.” She said. Then she added, “This prescription I’m giving you is for leaders. You’re a leader.”
I paused. Did not cry, but wanted to. “Oh my gosh I’ve never gotten a prescription before that made me feel so good. Thank you!” While I wasn’t in a position to go and lead others at that moment, I had just made the decision to lead myself in a way I had not yet done before - to enter the unknown territory of my life’s vocation.
When I got home and looked up the prescription online I was shocked to discover that it was poison from a poisonous tree from India that works on the nerves.
I giggled to myself, and was entirely thrilled, but also filled with a sliver of fear.
Like any other plant medicine, I spoke to it with reverence before I ingested it. Then I dropped the white pellets directly under my tongue and waited half an hour for them to dissolve. I felt my body respond immediately. A cozy feeling of wholesomeness cascaded down from head to toe. And that night I was eager for its dream session.
In homeopathy, one’s temperament is paired with a plant remedy. The medicine I was prescribed is historically given to males, and those who are business executives. Those who like loose clothing. They are described as strong, but tend to use stimulants, and they can be addicts. Too much coffee. Too much alcohol. Too much. Too much. Too much.
True. I prefer a dress over pants any day. And I once obsessed over coffee, daily. Now, it’s chocolate (good, ethical chocolate).
When I woke up from that first night, and from the nights after, I was amazed that the dreams I had were revealing the human-to-human moments of toxicity. Most of it in human speech. Dream after dream there were these scenarios where either another party was toxic or I was toxic. It also showed me the subtle way my own communication ruined moments of life. It even pointed out an old friend who was a beautiful communicator as an example to emulate.
True. I’d hired a speech coach to help me in years past to deal with my nervousness from speaking to others - where I’d feel like I’d said the wrong thing or put my foot in my mouth.
So, upon waking I wanted to gobble more of these pellets. And I had to laugh at my budding relationship with this delightful, tempting poison. I’d have to be responsible for holding the tension of my core innate desire to indulge between us, because if I indulged… Well, it’d be lights out.
The root of the word poison connects it to the word potion. Poison (n.): c. 1200, a doublet of potion.
This is a part of what the poison path is about. Poison shows me how I am poisonous in the world and who among me is poisonous (Interested in the poison path and want to go deeper? Check out Kathryn or Coby).
Lately I’ve been wondering if in my previous life I was poisoned. For a short while, I thought I’d been stabbed.
Those who’ve researched reincarnation say that we can incarnate with the markings of how our previous life ended. I have a pelleted birth mark on my belly that’s always intrigued me. And I’ve also wondered about my own reincarnation because of a single childhood dream that showed me that I drank from a bowl and died.
It’s not that the dream haunts me today, but that I wonder if that’s how I was taken out. Too trusting of another. Too loyal. Too…
But here I am. On the planet, back here again to finish business.
Do you know Caroline Myss? She mostly helped Gen X with their spirituality, and she is still quite prominent today. She wrote Sacred Contracts (In my humble opinion, her purview on life in this book is not for someone brand new to their spiritual path, but if you’re a veteran/seasoned on this journey, then her lens could be helpful if you’re not already familiar).
In the book she posits that you have incarnated into life and that you have a contract with life itself. You also have contracts with the very people in your life too. Family members. Friends. Those that come your way, and so on, and so on.
Myss’ lens puts me into a reframe of power, and not victimhood for life. That I might view existence as part of a longer journey. But this view does not absolve nefarious behavior. One still has a responsibility to our humanity.
Myss’ lens helps me to connect the dots to a more expansive story that knits me into the greater human story we’re all weaving together - the story that in spite of all of the wretchedness that knocks us down, passes terror our way, that is perverse and anti-human, and painful, that a many of us get back up - to rejoin this journey towards the beautiful life we innately know is possible.
Many thanks to the Foster writer collective for its writing container, writing circles and so many other beautiful writer resources.
With spirituality there’s always an infinite number of paths one can take or explore. I am a proponent of being well-prepared before embarking on a spiritual journey, which is not currently the cultural approach of the West because of its dismissal of many of our wise, earlier ways. If this idea of being prepared resonates with you, you can learn more and join the waitlist for my upcoming course.